Anti-Social Media

2-11-25

Lately, I've been feelin like no offense, nothin personal. Fuck Everbody. (myself included). No exceptions. 

That's why I'm done with socializing and social media. What's so social about it if we're all on a computer? People only post what they think other people will like, so it's not really them in their pics. Its a portion of them they want to show. Or a fake image they want to imitate. We're all living in the image of these fake idols. Singers, actors, athletes. Their life is based on what you see. You don't really know what goes on when the camera is off. Look around, we can all sing, we can all act, we can all play sports. Yet, I don't see the same encouragement given to those we actually know vs. these fake celebs we look up to.

So that's why I feel like nobody really understands me or fully supports what I do. I don't have time to follow everything everyone does, so I don't expect everyone to know and support everything I do. But... I can count the times "friends" have gone to my shows. That's why I go myself. I end up meeting a lot of people, but even some of these people act weirder the More I know them. I can't remember anything I did to them. Maybe that's it, I never did enough for them? Its never what I did, its what I theoretically didn't do.

Funny, I stop what I do all the time to help others, or just hang out when they want. That's the thing, its only when they want. If I invite people to an event, you'd swear I asked them to move. You can't even go to a show to support. I have to go to perform, with no crew. And I still do it everyday. People don't understand the hustle in this shit. I have to do everything myself. I write the songs, I record it, I edit the songs, I edit the covers, I print the flyers. I post them up. I have promote myself like a product, whether I like it or not. I can't rely on people just so they can let me down. If the rapper can't make it, I don't need them, I can rap. The producer didn't send the beat? Its ok. I can make a beat. Or just do some mixtape shit and take some old beats and flip it.

I'm feelin like not goin' out unless its business related. For a show, to post a flyer, to sell CDs (its tough but possible). Maybe when I'm more successful in this, I can take a break to party or chill. Until then, I don't have one day to waste. 24 hours I can get a lot of songs done. Even now, I'm doin this post. Bout to wrap this and get into a 4ril 4theradio mix. I'm thinkin about retiring the show. At least for now. I've hit 2 years. The shows not on the fm and its not exactly the same. I'm gonna go to ep. 200 I think, and put it to hiatus. I'm goin to focus on my music more, and do an occasional mix. I don't want people waiting for a new mix, when I'm not goin to be doin them every week anymore.

So I posted a few songs recently on youtube, and the response seems to be good. I convinced myself for a while nobody liked my music. This is because I would send my songs to friends first. Of course they judge it the hardest. Maybe they expect more? Maybe they're honest? But I think they try too hard to find anything to criticise. It should be a support system. Don't lie. Say if you don't like it. But nowdays, they're too quick to say they don't like it. Or nothing at all, that's worse.

First person who said in person they heard my CD and liked it, I really didn't believe them. I was like oh yeah? sure.... Now I'm realizing its friends and even family that keep you down. You hav to dumb down to be you around them. If you act like the star you are, they try to dim you down. Jealousy. A local rapper used to be someone to root for. Now its someone to hate. I think everyone wants to be a rapper nowdays. So I'm seen as competition to aspiring rappers. and even hated worse by people who want to rap but can't, because I have something they don't. I'm trying to motivate. If I can do it, then you can. Practice makes talent.

So I'm about done with this one. I'm bout to sit in the cold just to get some winter sun. Then get into the studio. (Get into the shower first, no stinky studio.)

I'm just gettin my thoughts out. I have no shield. No filter. This is me. How can people like me as an artist if they don't know me? Plus I think a lot of apsiring artist are experiencing this. And major artists too. They don't want to look weak, but notice a lot of them eventually flip out and lose it. Then we call them crazy. Maybe they're dealing with a lot. They blow up because they can't really talk how they feel then it all happens one day. That's why vent with my music, but also in word. Typed and spoken (4Ril talk). I'm speakin MY truth. My life. My experiences. Can't tell me I'm wrong in that sense. So embrase your senses. All of them. Smell, taste, feel, hearing, sight. Balance, sense of right and wrong. There's more senses then the pysical. Don't believe what you see if sight is light beams and your eyes. So there could be light rays we don't see, there could be frequencies we don't hear. Ok I'm done. 4 now.

Phil 4Ril